I'm Lost Without You
by ZenBabe
Summary: oneshotsongfic Nathan and Haley's friendship becomes more than just that when they both discover they have feelings for oneanother. please read and review!


**AN: Hey, so I had the inspiration to write this recently and decided to just make it a one-shot. I got the inspiration from the song I'm Lost Without You, by Blink-182. **

**Summary: Nathan and Haley are great friends, but Nathan realizes he has feelings for her. This one-shot is written in Nathan's point of view, as he struggles with and eventually deals with these feelings. It's basically some sweet Naley. I hope you like it! **

**Bold- song lyrics**

_Italics- flashback_

**I'm Lost Without You**

Lately, days have pretty much consisted of nothing. Absolutely nothing. It's rather unfortunate especially since I've perhaps made the biggest decision of my life. The thing is, I have absolutely no idea what to do with this decision. It's a horrible, vicious circle, really. Do I tell her? But if I tell her, what will she say? Will I end up regretting it? But if I don't tell her, I'll never know the answer to those questions. But what if I'm scared of the answers to those questions?

See? Nothing but a vicious, vicious circle. But then again, sitting around my house isn't getting me anywhere either. Lucas's words rang through my head, "Take a chance, man. What do you have to lose?" Take a chance? Okay, I'm fine with that. It's when I think of what I have to lose that I actually chicken out.

"Everything," I had replied. And it was true. Everything. Haley was everything. Everything was Haley. Excuse me- our _friendship_ was everything. And I wasn't about to ruin it for... well, the chance of more-than-friendship. How did this come to be, one might wonder? After our years of friendship, how did I finally realize that she was the one for me, the love of my life?

**I swear that I can go on forever again**

**Please let me know that my one bad day will end**

_Flashback_

_An average day pretty much consisted of me and Hales, doing our homework on the docks. Well, Haley doing her homework- me listening to the Lakers' game on the radio and doodling._

_"You do know we have a test tomorrow, right?" She said, buried in a pile of books, looking at me like I was crazy._

_"Yes, Haley, I know we have a test tomorrow, why do you ask?" I said, taunting her. I knew this bugged her. She always talked about how if I just tried a little, I could be a great student, about how much potential I have. Blah, blah, blah..._

_"Come on, Nathan. I can help you study," She said. Now one might think: how on earth did two people so different, become so close? So you may have guessed this already, but Haley is a complete brain, as I well... am not. Imagine my discomfort a year ago when I was told that Haley James was going to tutor me. Tutor session after tutor session we became closer and closer. But boy, can I tell you, that Haley James is one hard girl to get to know. I swear, we couldn't talk about anything besides math for a month. At first I thought she liked me and was playing hard to get, but as we grew closer, our relationship went from strangers, to friends, to the point when we almost felt like sister and brother. Until that day..._

_"Come on, Haley. Why don't we take a break?" I said giving her my puppy-dog eyes and waving the Cracker Jack box I had brought. Always prepared, that's me. She rolled her eyes, but then, as always, complied._

_"Fine, but after that it's back to Calculus, okay?" She said looking at me sternly. God, she was cute when she was trying to be serious. Whoa- wait a second- cute? Did I just call Haley cute? Weird and funny, yes, but cute? I shook it off._

_Opening the Cracker Jack box, I mumbled something about agreeing to study in five minutes. We snacked away, talking about whatever. Somehow my mind kept wandering back. Back to when I called her cute. Thinking Haley was cute, that implied... Well, something other than the sibling-like relationship I always thought we had... Back to when I greeted her at the docks like I did everyday, yet somehow I actually noticed what she was wearing- jeans and a T-shirt, what she wears everyday, but somehow today it was... noticeable? _

_I snapped back to attention at Haley's voice. "Jeez Nathan, I don't remember plastic being a part of your diet." Wha-? She seemed to have read my expression and pointed to my hand that had been making it's way to my mouth, and I realized that I had been too busy thinking that I hadn't realized that what was in my hand was not a cracker jack. It was a plastic wrapper. And inside was perhaps the ugliest bracelet I had ever seen. It was multi-colored with random beads, and looked like something I would have made for my mother when I was five._

_"Oh! Right... thanks," I stuttered, while opening the package. Snap out of it, I told myself. I cleared my throat, "Here," I said reaching for her hand, and slipping the bracelet on. "Don't say I never gave you anything," I said playfully... but not so much. All these thoughts that had been going on in my head about Haley, they meant something. And I knew very well what they meant: That I was developing feelings for Haley. Actual feelings. And, okay, I know this sounds stupid, but putting that bracelet on her wrist, that kind of... kind of initiated the Nathan-has-feelings-for-Haley stage. And that scared me. That scared the shit out of me!_

_So what do you do when you're scared? You scream, or you cry... Not me. I did the only thing I could think of, and I ran. I ran the hell out of there._

_End of Flashback_

**I will go down as your lover, **

**Your friend**

The next day we acted as if nothing had happened. And the same with the next day. And the next. And the next, again... Until I couldn't take it anymore. I had to tell _someone_. So I told Luke. Who's response was, "I knew it."

"How could you know it, I didn't even know it!" I said.

"Oh, come on Nathan, it's pretty obvious. Everyone knows you belong together."

"Not her! No, she still thinks we're friends, Luke. I can't take it anymore, I think I'm having a breakdown, okay? Maybe this just proves the old philosophy that girls and guys can't be friends, right?"

"No, maybe this just proves that _you_ can't be friends with girls..." Lucas said, chuckling. I sent him a glare that said, this is not the time to joke. "Okay, sorry, I was just kidding. Look, you should just tell her. If things keep getting more awkward, she's gonna think you're mad at her or something, and she's going to confront you. Maybe it's better if you be the first to approach her."

**Are you afraid of being alone?**

**Cause I am, I'm lost without you**

"Hey, Haley, what's up?... Hey, Hales, uh we need to talk... Hales, I love you... Haley, _please_ love me back!... I. Am. Such. A. Mess." I rehearsed on my way to Haley's house. I knew the way like the back of my palm.

I finally knew what people meant when they said they had "butterflies in their stomachs." Only for me it wasn't butterflies, it was... huge... dinosaur-like creatures, just stomping around in there. I parked in front of her house and after siting there for a few minutes... okay, more like half an hour, I forced myself to get out. But getting out was not the half of it. Walking up the steps, I hesitated knocking on the door. Usually I just let myself in. But this seemed like more of a knock-on-the-door-and-wait, kind of situation.

Of course, I didn't have enough time to fully mull over this because I was suddenly greeted with Haley swinging the door open.

"Jesus!" I screamed, before I could stop myself. Damn, those dinosaurs were jumping around like crazy thanks to that scare...

"Nope, just me." Haley said smiling. "I saw your car outside, so I assumed you were at the door. Come in. What's up?"

_No, I think this is more of a stay-outside-unless-you're-invited-in-later sort of a scenario,_ is what I wanted to say. However, not wanting to stall anymore, I decided to go for it.

"I need to tell you something, Haley." I said firmly. There, that wasn't so hard, now was it? Of course, I hadn't exactly said anything yet. She just nodded. "Okay..." I continued. What to say now? "R-remember that day I ran off from the docks?"

"Yeah, 'cause you were late for that diner-party your dad was hosting. What about it?" She said, so innocently. Oh, Haley, if you only knew...

"Um... yeah, well that day... That day is a very important day..."

"Okay." Haley said uneasily, with an odd expression on her face. "Nathan, what are you talking about?"

"Just let me finish." I said, hesitantly. Maybe this wasn't the best idea... No, I told myself, there's I reason I didn't chicken out before actually getting into the subject. "That day is important because... well, it's the day I realized that I had feelings for you, Haley." There. I said it. Then, I panicked. "So, thanks. Okay, now, bye." I said, and for the second time in my whole life, I bolted away from her.

**Are you afraid of leaving tonight?**

**Cause I am, I'm lost without you**

What kind of a loser runs out right after confessing his love for someone? Me. That's right. _My_ kind of a loser runs out on the person he loves. Twice. But, okay, you can't really blame me, can you? You have to take into account a few factors:

1. I'm new at this. This was the first time I had confessed my love. This was the first person I was actually in love with!

2. Haley looked damn fine opening that door, and standing there all innocent...

3. And finally... I was scared shitless!

And okay, so those aren't the _best_ reasons... I should have at least stayed to hear what she was going to say. Now, maybe I'll never know. After the thing at the docks we just acted like nothing happened, but I don't think I could do that after this. I just told my best friend that I had _feelings_ for her.

Maybe she'll come to my house. Maybe she'll answer me on her own, without me having to ask. Maybe. OK, so there wasn't a huge chance of this happening, but I left my door unlocked anyways, as I drifted off to sleep.

**I'll leave my room open till sunrise for you**

**I'll keep my eyes patiently focused on you**

**Where are you now? **

**I can hear footsteps. I'm dreaming**

**And if you will, keep me from waking to believe this.**

I woke up to the feel of a body next to mine. _Oh, it must be my dog_, was my first thought. Then my second was: You don't have a dog, idiot! And besides, this didn't feel like a dog's body. It was a lot more... curvy. Wait a second- what was a curvy body doing against me in my bed? Do I dare open my eyes? Oh, I dared, and was pleasantly surprised by who was there: none other than little miss Haley James.

"I didn't want to do the wake-you-up-with-the-kiss-on-the-cheek thing, 'cause I thought that would be a little too cliche, so I went for the hug," She said sheepishly. A hug. Was that friend sign?

"Okay," I said, not really knowing how to answer that. Regretfully, she took that as a sign to let go and scoot away a little. "Uh- what are you doing here?" I asked. God, I was trying not to get my hopes up. But with her, here. In my bed. My hopes were way beyond my control.

"Why do you keep running away from me?" She asked seriously.

"That's not an answer," I said half jokingly, have to avoid the question.

"Well, neither is that!" She joked back. "Okay, fine... I thought about what you said." I raised my eyebrows for her to continue, too nervous to say anything. There they were. Those damn dinosaurs again. "About you having feelings for me..."

"Haley," I said, not knowing I had the strength in me to talk. "Please don't be alarmed by this. Those feelings, I can burry them. There. They're buried, they don't exist anymore!"

**Are you afraid of being alone?**

**Cause I am, I'm lost without you**

**Are you afraid of leaving tonight?**

**Cause I am, I'm lost without you**

"Nathan," She said, "It doesn't quite work like that."

"I know."

"What I was going to say was, that... while that was kind of... shocking. It also kind of, well, wasn't." OK, I stopped and thought about that sentence in my head over and over. It still didn't make sense.

"What?"

"I mean. It wasn't completely shocking because, well, lately I've been... developing feelings for you, too. I guess, I finally saw that maybe something other than friendship was there between us."

"You did? Really?" I said, dumbfounded. Was this really happening? I felt those dinosaurs dancing around with joy in my stomach.

"But Nathan-"

"No! No, no, no, no buts, Haley," I said trying to stop her.

"I don't know if it's fair to just do that. To just dive into this new-found... thing! I mean, what if something happens and it ruins our friendship."

"You can't think like that Haley," I said, finally regaining some confidence, "We can't keep thinking 'what if'. Sometimes you just have to go with what your instinct tells you." I said looking deeply in her eyes. I had to get through to her. She had to understand that if she didn't give me a shot, things may never go back to the way they were.

She stayed silent for a moment, thinking what I had said over. She finally looked up at me and said quietly, "What does your instinct tell you?"

I sighed, and instead of saying anything, I did something that no words could compare to. I pulled her to me and pressed my lips to hers softly, but meaningfully.

**Give me your lips**

**And with one kiss**

**We begin**

I would be lost without Haley. Utterly, and completely lost. Without her friendship. Without her by my side, I'd be lost. And, alright, I guess I could live off of just being her friend. But it was much, _much _better this way. Because the way I felt when I kissed her was like nothing I'd ever felt before. And I got that same feelings times ten when I slowly pulled away only to find her lips reattach to mine and meet me in a sensual, and earth-shattering kiss. And then the dinosaurs were gone.

We didn't share any words after that. We didn't need to. We both knew what that kiss meant. What it would mark the start of. The start of Nathan and Haley, together. The start of our friendship, turning into more. And the start of the happiest stage of my life, probably.

**I'm lost without you**

**I'm lost without you**

_AN: I hope you guys liked it! Please review, I would love to hear what you thought! Thanks!_


End file.
